I'm pretty sure that most race shirts must be designed by a committee. How did I come to this conclusion? I don't think that it's possible for a single person to have such awful taste.
In just one short year of doing bike and running events, I've managed to collect some really special race shirts. I have one featuring a prancing elf, one with a gigantic pumpkin, and lastly one with a snowman and a giant heart. Each are really worth of their own paragraph, so lets take a deeper look.
First lets talk about prancing elves. I'm guessing they started with an elf and said "you know, that's not quite emasculating enough, at least 5 male runners might wear it, what can we do? Oh, maybe we could make him hold his elf wife's little yappy dog in a bag. No...no...this is a run, lets make him prance."
Then there is the giant pumpkin shirt. If you think I want to wear a shirt with a giant veggie I happen to resemble on it, you're out of your gourd. (Oh, that's right...I went there...)
And that leaves the piece de resistance, the snowman/heart shirt. It's really the item that inspired this rant. Having come out of the shower tonight, I grabbed a random shirt and headed down stairs before I noticed I was wearing it. Then I realized it...ugh...snow man, big red heart. Why do they even make a shirt like that in male sizes? I look like someone's grandmother. It might as well have a gigantic cat on it.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Three Miles Inside My Head
Now for something completely different.
This post is a summation of the randomness that goes on inside my head during a typical week day run. You may or may not be interested, read at your own risk.
Warm up Laps. Ugh, it's already 5:45 and I'm just stepping onto the track. I better put my headphones on as I do my warm up walk.
Should I tuck the cord in my shirt or not? I never know what to do with that thing.
Wow, this place is still a zoo! So many people still. January 21st. I hope they break their resolutions soon so I can run in peace. (I never said I was nice...)
Ok, time to run, lets go...
Lap 3. I could do this forever! I'm doing great tonight.
Oh cool, good song, turn it up.
Lap 6. Hey dude...I'm not giving you the thumbs up, I'm counting laps on my fingers because I forgot my watch.
Lap 7. Another good song...trying to focus on it and forget about the pain...
Lap 9. One mile down, two to go. My quadriceps are still burning from last night's bike tempo workout.
Lap 12. Coach tells unruly kids on the basketball court to run some laps. Heh, my sport is used as punishment in your sport!
Lap 14. Lunch was great today, and I feel like I'm running stronger because of it. I wonder if I should still be eating more. Eating just the right amount is really complicated. I've got to find that sweet spot where metabolism is maxed and calories are the lowest possible for maximum metabolism, and it would be great if that was the ideal for athletic performance too, but I'd take a hit there for faster weight loss. Lets see, suppose metabolism is a function of x, that approaches weight gain asymptotically and...wait, forget it. Existing math doesn't predict weight loss well, and metabolism is just too dynamic, it's all just an estimate anyway. I wonder if that's because living organisms are open systems. That's got to be it. No equilibrium. Can't measure the organism and ignore the surrounding universe. Pondering Maxwell's Demon...
Lap 15. Wow, there sure are alot of t-shirts here talking up the word team. Seems odd since we're all running. I really don't like the idea of team sports. I remember that one guy's forum signature...there is no I in team, but there is in triathlon. Works for me.
Lap 18. Two miles down. Breathing hard, feeling nauseated, better back down a bit.
Lap 20. Ouch, that blister on my foot is biting back. The body glide must be gone.
Lap 22. Thinking about definitions. Really slow runner: Anyone slower than me. Inhuman gazelle-like super runner: Anyone faster than me.
Lap 24. There's that dude running in jeans and dress shoes again. This place sure has some oddballs, but more power to him for being here and doing it. While I'm being the fashion police, what is it with power walkers and hoodies? Is it fashion or do they think that sweating more means more weight loss. Sigh, probably the latter. And wow...look at that lady...her tights are pulled all the way up to her...oh dear god buy a sports bra or you'll put your eye out! Ok, you're being a jerk, knock it off.
Lap 26. Ok, one more. Glycerine by Bush...good song but not a good running song and definately not a good sprint to the finish song. Fast forward on the shuffle is the one opposite the head phone jack. Thats better, a RATM finish.
Lap 27. Ok, this is it. If I bust my ass I can pull it off in under 31 minutes. It hurts alot, but it's almost over...pick your knees up and go Mike...
Cooldown. Not bad, just a bit under 31... Ok, time for dinner and some weight training.
This post is a summation of the randomness that goes on inside my head during a typical week day run. You may or may not be interested, read at your own risk.
Warm up Laps. Ugh, it's already 5:45 and I'm just stepping onto the track. I better put my headphones on as I do my warm up walk.
Should I tuck the cord in my shirt or not? I never know what to do with that thing.
Wow, this place is still a zoo! So many people still. January 21st. I hope they break their resolutions soon so I can run in peace. (I never said I was nice...)
Ok, time to run, lets go...
Lap 3. I could do this forever! I'm doing great tonight.
Oh cool, good song, turn it up.
Lap 6. Hey dude...I'm not giving you the thumbs up, I'm counting laps on my fingers because I forgot my watch.
Lap 7. Another good song...trying to focus on it and forget about the pain...
Lap 9. One mile down, two to go. My quadriceps are still burning from last night's bike tempo workout.
Lap 12. Coach tells unruly kids on the basketball court to run some laps. Heh, my sport is used as punishment in your sport!
Lap 14. Lunch was great today, and I feel like I'm running stronger because of it. I wonder if I should still be eating more. Eating just the right amount is really complicated. I've got to find that sweet spot where metabolism is maxed and calories are the lowest possible for maximum metabolism, and it would be great if that was the ideal for athletic performance too, but I'd take a hit there for faster weight loss. Lets see, suppose metabolism is a function of x, that approaches weight gain asymptotically and...wait, forget it. Existing math doesn't predict weight loss well, and metabolism is just too dynamic, it's all just an estimate anyway. I wonder if that's because living organisms are open systems. That's got to be it. No equilibrium. Can't measure the organism and ignore the surrounding universe. Pondering Maxwell's Demon...
Lap 15. Wow, there sure are alot of t-shirts here talking up the word team. Seems odd since we're all running. I really don't like the idea of team sports. I remember that one guy's forum signature...there is no I in team, but there is in triathlon. Works for me.
Lap 18. Two miles down. Breathing hard, feeling nauseated, better back down a bit.
Lap 20. Ouch, that blister on my foot is biting back. The body glide must be gone.
Lap 22. Thinking about definitions. Really slow runner: Anyone slower than me. Inhuman gazelle-like super runner: Anyone faster than me.
Lap 24. There's that dude running in jeans and dress shoes again. This place sure has some oddballs, but more power to him for being here and doing it. While I'm being the fashion police, what is it with power walkers and hoodies? Is it fashion or do they think that sweating more means more weight loss. Sigh, probably the latter. And wow...look at that lady...her tights are pulled all the way up to her...oh dear god buy a sports bra or you'll put your eye out! Ok, you're being a jerk, knock it off.
Lap 26. Ok, one more. Glycerine by Bush...good song but not a good running song and definately not a good sprint to the finish song. Fast forward on the shuffle is the one opposite the head phone jack. Thats better, a RATM finish.
Lap 27. Ok, this is it. If I bust my ass I can pull it off in under 31 minutes. It hurts alot, but it's almost over...pick your knees up and go Mike...
Cooldown. Not bad, just a bit under 31... Ok, time for dinner and some weight training.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Put That Away!
Attention Male Gym Members:
While I understand that some nakedness is required in the locker room of a gym, I would very much appreciate it if that could be kept to a minimum as required by the situation. Additionally, it is so NOT OKAY to attempt to converse with me about Seinfeldian topics whilst standing there completely naked. It's also not ok to stand in front of the mirror slowly combing your hair while complete naked. It is especially not okay to sit your naked ass on a bench, cross your legs guy style, and talk politics, even if said conversation is not directed at me. This behavior is both disturbing, and really freaking common. In fact it has lead me to believe that most males have no sense of modesty at all. Seriously, put it away!
While being very fat for a very long time (as opposed to current state: being a normal amount of fat for a short amount of time) has probably done irreperable harm to my self esteem, I am very happy that it has instilled in me a sense of modesty. Sure, I may be incredibly self concious while wearing my swim attire, but at least I'm not rejoicing in my middle+ aged nakedness like every other neoprimate in the locker room. I don't come from an athletics background, so I don't know if this is the norm, but I personally find it extremely weird.
While I understand that some nakedness is required in the locker room of a gym, I would very much appreciate it if that could be kept to a minimum as required by the situation. Additionally, it is so NOT OKAY to attempt to converse with me about Seinfeldian topics whilst standing there completely naked. It's also not ok to stand in front of the mirror slowly combing your hair while complete naked. It is especially not okay to sit your naked ass on a bench, cross your legs guy style, and talk politics, even if said conversation is not directed at me. This behavior is both disturbing, and really freaking common. In fact it has lead me to believe that most males have no sense of modesty at all. Seriously, put it away!
While being very fat for a very long time (as opposed to current state: being a normal amount of fat for a short amount of time) has probably done irreperable harm to my self esteem, I am very happy that it has instilled in me a sense of modesty. Sure, I may be incredibly self concious while wearing my swim attire, but at least I'm not rejoicing in my middle+ aged nakedness like every other neoprimate in the locker room. I don't come from an athletics background, so I don't know if this is the norm, but I personally find it extremely weird.
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